I’ve spent a long time thinking that I should already know how to make music.
I don’t.
Yes, I can lay down sounds. In fact, I can do that pretty quickly. But there are many things that make a piece of music a piece of music. One that comes to mind is collaboration. Some of the better music I’ve worked on has been made with other people.
Recently, I’ve been thinking more about, or perhaps deciding, that music is collaboration.
I believe sound can be individual, but music requires people. Multiple people.
I do truly believe this.
And I believe I’ve struggled greatly with collaboration over the years.
I think back to one particular moment that wounded me. For years, I’ve been crippled by the words of just one person in a small, padded room. At the time, it hurt, and I was angry, but I never imagined those words would weigh on me for years to come as they have.
As I’ve allowed them to.
As much as they’ve managed to.
I’ve learned things. More recently, I’ve become increasingly aware of my own ability to make progress with a little attention and focus.
And, I guess, audacity.
Maybe it isn’t so much about knowing how to make music, or asking myself on a loop why I cannot seem to.
And, of course, conjuring up the unwanted answer.
Perhaps there is a more interesting question.
What happens when I make the sound anyway?